No.
Do you even begin to realize how powerful ‘No’ is?
No.
You don’t.
For a word just two letters strong, saying “No” to many things, especially as a creative, can do wonders for your career growth, mental health, and, potentially, your pockets. So it’s pretty baffling why a lot of creatives are afraid of it when they should be embracing it.
I often wonder about the first human who said “No”. What must have gone on in his primitive mind to drive him to the point of disagreement when all of humanity at the time demanded for us to be in unison?
“No” has a serious branding problem that it can’t seem to shake off: It has a perception problem. Looking deeply into this problem means that we have to reframe what it means to be disagreeable. We’ve often thought about “No” as a medium for expressing rejection, discomfort, disobedience, for rebelling against that which is considered the norm, and in many situations and contexts, this is absolutely valid, whether individually or as a collective, whether you’re giving the “No” or on the receiving end of it.
We can choose to begin to see “No” as a self-aligning, course-correcting tool for our future selves. Saying “No” to
toxic work environments and shitty clients,
to opportunities that seem juicy but do not align with where we see ourselves or our values,
to work that is detrimental to our quality of output and state of mind
to people who’re more anchor than stepping stone
to situations and relationships that simply drain the life out of us
should not be seen as a taboo but as a pathway to self-care. Long have we trudged in the trenches of “Hustle Culture“ only to realize that not only is it a passport to faster burnout, but as research has shown, literally everything else suffers. Doing things like answering every email, volunteering for extra workload, chanting positivity mantras when your entire life is in chaos, saying yes to every opportunity because you “need“ the money and/or do not want to get fired…these are all things that put a strain on you both physically & mentally and that only YOU can put a stop to—if you want to.
Another idea that’s not often discussed is the correlation of “No“ to how we see ourselves and how much value we attach to who are & what we do. Surely we see ourselves in a certain way, under a certain light and we project those conceptual selves into the future: how we want to look, the kinds of clients we want to have, the quality of work we want to do, the places we want to work from e.t.c. These conceptual future selves have to take root in our present in order for them to be manifested, and they’re able to do that thanks to the choices that we make every minute. Every time you make decisions, you either decrease the likelihood of that conceptual future self becoming a reality or you fast-track it. With that in mind, we can also say that choosing to say yes to that project that you know will clash with 17 other tasks that you have to work on will consequently push away that conceptual future self that should be on a beach, sipping on Mojitos under a palm-tree and working for any company with FAANG type of money.
So how do I say “No” more?
I’ll start with a story:
About 2 years ago, I decided to stop taking on side projects.
I know, that’s a balsy move.
Considering the economic realities we find ourselves in, side projects in any way or form a pathway to financial stability and possibly, freedom.
However, I chose to quit.
Why?
I had surmised that I was unhappy with the state of my work life. I barely went out, I was always exhausted, Clients had access to me even at odd hours, I was having anxiety attacks over small triggers (phone calls, notifications sounds from slack…) and the amount of work yet to be done was never-ending.
One day, just before I got married, I remembered a conversation I had with Adrian about doing outside work and he said he doesn’t do it because he liked his peace of mind. I remember thinking to myself, “Huh. Maybe I should give it a shot, maybe it just might work out“, so I wrapped up my existing projects, got paid and after a while, I found myself running out of cash. But it was different this time — I wasn’t worried about when the next cash-laden project would come in and most importantly, I had the peace and clarity of mind to explore other opportunities that I felt aligned with what I really wanted. Safe to say, it worked out moderately well for me in the end because now, because of scarcity, I can tell prospective clients “No” and happily refer them to friends and folks who would benefit from the opportunity. If they insist on wanting to work with me, I can then fully command my pricing without the fear of losing out — they can either pony up or move to alternatives that suit their budget.
So, to answer the question of how you can say “No” more in your life, you can
Be truthful
Be honest with yourself about who you are, what you do (and how you do it), your current situation, and most importantly, how you see your future self.Identify the drainer & anchors
Identify the things, commitments, and people that put a strain on your mental health & your productivity. It doesn’t have to be a gigantic list, just 3 should suffice at first. I’ve come to find that starting small often creates a cascading effect on other things that you can identify & subsequently cut out.
Stay Organized
I suck at being organized, I like to believe that I thrive best in chaos. Recently, I was presented with the opportunity for a different, more managerial role at work and the first few days were hell. I never really liked to-do apps so I opted to get a fresh notebook and write down my tasks in the order of priority and have them checked off as I progress into the day. It’s still hectic but now, it’s a lot more manageable, trackable, and less likely to result in unfinished tasks.Be Firm.
When communicating your “No”, you’ve got to be firm and unwavering. We’re talking about your mental health here—there should be no compromises and half efforts. Of course, it’d be hard at the beginning but as you progress, you’ll discover that you’re less anxious, more in command of your time & where you wish to commit it, and more confident about your skill, worth and value.
So that’s it. Just say “No”.
You’ll be better for it.
Sidelines
Gosh, I’m so sorry guys. I promised I was going to stick to a schedule but a lot of things happened since May when you last heard from me. Some good, some manageable but in all, I’m just glad I am able to communicate with you all.
The 7th Cohort of the Ovalay Academy will be kicking off in October.
We’re looking to reboot our Youtube channel (having lost the old one to hackers). Starting again is daunting but I’m pretty sure that we’ll do better this time.
On the positive, we’ve gotten more active on Twitter Spaces
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This is quite interesting and insightful!